The first day of school is the official start of cuffing season. If you have not been cuffed by the first frost of the year, you will go yet another winter with no Bae to call your own. I know you’re thinking, well my kid didn’t start school today or I don’t have school aged children. But it goes off of the public school systems first day of school in your corresponding areas. This is common knowledge and man law…
This is game time ladies.
You made big strides #allsummer16 and he is really on the fence between you and the one woman who nags less and cleans more. This is your time to shine through. Knowledge is key and knowing you are in a competition yields you a lot better chance/opportunity than most women even get. So cherish that knowledge.
Tell him you are going to take your tax money and invest it somehow. You’re just looking for the right thing or person to invest it in. When you say person, make sure to drag out the word as to imply that investing in a person is more than likely what you would rather do if a person can convince you enough. You must be careful to make him feel like this was his idea, otherwise he will feel like it is a set up and your cover will be blown. I am sure by this point he has already considered who will get back the most tax money between you and your less nagging, more cleanly competition. If he feels more assured to get a bigger portion of your tax money, he is more likely to want to “flip” your taxes than hers.
When tax time comes, something mysteriously happens where the government takes your taxes because of some shit you knew you owed any fucking way and you knew they would take your taxes anyway but your new Bae didn’t have to know that you knew. Now this is risky because one of two things will happen. If he is smart he will probably want to move in a few months before your taxes are set to come (which is probably what you want anyway because you’re lonely) so he can be right there once them taxes hit that H&R Block debit card that you pay a high ass interest rate and fees on.
Now, either one of two things will happen. He is either going to leave and say “Fuck you bitch, I’m only here for the taxes.” Or, since he has been moved in for a few months now and he is already settled in, he just might fucking stick around. An viola, you have yourself a “Man”.