Dear Quinton,
I am speaking straight from my heart to yours with love. I just want to say I know most of the time I know your intentions are good. I know you have a good heart and mean well. Sometimes when you enforce communicate with me and choose to share your feelings and ideas with your friends and family first I feel a little like I’m on the back burner. I would love to be the first, if not only one you need to talk to, but that rarely happens. It always feels like I am in competition to be first in your life. I kind of felt myself go from your muse to your hindrance wife your music. At least I got used to coming 2nd with that as wrong as it is, but that’s nothing I should have ever adjusted to. I want us to be a better team and learn to learn each other. I feel that if we treated each other the way we treated out friends we’d be a better husband and wife. I’m really praying I can be your everything so much that you would let everyone know I am THE most important person in your life without having to fight so much. Can you consider both sides of this? The places where I’ve misunderstood AND the places you can accept some fault. I love you and I hope this can help us.
Love,
Natalie
Dear Natalie,
I want you to know that I love you very much. And NO MATTER if these letters work or not, I pray that we see the bigger picture and realize that what we NEED is different from what we WANT. And through GOD, we’ll be able to grasp his plan, and will for our lives. These last few years have been (in my eyes) “trying ” to say the least. I feel that we’ve been trying to “fix”, “mold”, and “change” one another. I think that in this, I made you feel like you were NOT important, or that your feelings didn’t matter. For that, I really do apologize. That was NEVER my intent. I feel that when it comes to my family, and my music, you feel it’s a competition ….there is NO competition between you and them or my music. For instance, I don’t think you understand how much time, money and dedication it takes to be a producer. Any time I have a chance to gig, or work on music its always “time for bed”, or its late, or its time to give me a list. The only time I really have to do music FREELY is at night, when everyone is sleep and its quiet and I don’t have anywhere to be. Majority of gigs, are in the evening, rehearsals can have a set time, but sometimes they run over. Its my passion. It will never go away. And if it takes me away from Milwaukee, Idk if you would be able to handle it. Just being honest. I desire support and loyalty over anything
I’ve always had a very close relationship with my siblings. And because there has been times where I didn’t trust that you would be considerate of what I had to say, I would rather talk to someone that I feel will believe in me and what I have to say. So it seems easier to talk to them sometimes. At times I also feel that the damage that’s been caused is almost impossible to repair. (Except God do it) Marriage wasn’t put on this earth to just “work”; it was made to be shared in happiness with your soul mate. Now I do believe that God WILL work it out, (meaning) that we both will eventually get it, and find peace and understanding in our lives. And see the reason why and how things happened the way it did. I will always love you, and we deserve true love and happiness.
Love,
Quinton
Natalie,
When I read Quinton’s words I hear him attempting to express to you what his vision of marriage would be versus what he is currently experiencing. This is not to say that he is unhappy at all. The fact that he married you means that he thinks no other woman could ever bring him as much joy as you do. I will take this time to try to tell you what I hear.
The first thing I will address is what I hear Quinton saying when he says these years have been trying. I hear him saying that he looks back on where you guys were compared to where you are now and he can see the growth. The fact that Natalie feels secondary to your music is a concern for me. I myself am an entertainer, but when I tell my wife she doesn’t come second to my music, I show her that with my actions. That way she doesn’t have to ever feel secondary. I found a way to include my wife in on the entertainment. She wrote her first novel under our label. I said that to say, your wife should never feel on the outside of anything that you do. If she does that is probably something that you need to delve deeper into.
Now to the family… I too have had this same problem to some extent. What I had to do IN ORDER TO PLEASE MY WIFE (who God has trusted me to protect) and her peace was I had to reposition myself. When me and my wife were not married I was more rooted in my family and friends. When me and her joined in marriage I didn’t consider how much time and effort should go into maintaining a healthy relationship. So I repositioned myself to where my marriage is home base. All operations stem from within my marriage now. I know that pulling back from family will be difficult but you will find that people will (should) respect you for taking care of your marriage. If the communication between you and your wife is broken, your first responsibility is to fix that. It’s comparable to getting your oil changed in your car; or getting the brakes done. If you don’t do the proper maintenance on your car it breaks down on you when you least expect it. Then the costs of repairs are too much to pay because you have neglected the scheduled maintenance for so long. Natalie when Quintion says that he wants support what I hear is he would like his wife to be his main cheerleader! He does it with the “Hope” of one day being able to provide for his family. SO to have his wife understand that and support him in that makes him feel good.
I “Hope” that my words maybe trigger a thought in one of you that opens a crisp 2 way dialogue. I know that you guys will be ok in the long run. Your willingness to even be this open with our viewers says that you guys place more value on the possibility of growth than you do the fear of shame. That is an excellent sign. My word of advice would be to attempt to rid your marriage of as much ego as possible.
Andre
Quinton,
When I read Natalie’s words I hear her attempting to express to you what her vision of marriage would be versus what she is currently experiencing. When I read Natalie’s words I can understand where she is coming from as my husband is also involved in entertainment and he has a tight knit extended family. I will take this time to try to tell you what I hear.
Regarding coming second: Most women envision being their husband’s best friend. We expect that the leave and cleave concept will be in full effect once the commitment of marriage had been made. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” When she is put in a position where communication with her is secondary to people outside of the household, it feels like she isn’t your “go to”. There are going to be emotions that you don’t feel comfortable sharing with your wife, but the best thing to have amongst husband and wife is transparency. If something is wrong, she can’t fix it without you talking to her. If you need help, she can’t come up with a solution without you putting the facts on the table. As long as the two of you have committed to waking up next to one another every morning, raising a family, and honoring God, then open, honest communication is going to be a necessity. Anyone outside of your home can’t possible know the full extent of what goes on between the two of you. Being on the same page with one another should be the main objective prior to carrying anything outside of your home.
Regarding your music: Natalie states that she has gotten used to coming second to that. This concerns me. How can you get her vested in what you’re doing? Are there some places where compromises can be made? Have you asked her what her main issue is? Once you know this, then are you willing to find ways to meet her halfway? I think this goes back to the communication aspect of your marriage.
Reading the letters written by both of you I’m confident that there is more than enough love and respect to begin to get over this bridge. It has to start with a mutual understanding of what the expectations and boundaries are in your marriage. I pray that my words and interpretation have done justice to Natalie’s thoughts as well as provided a more clear understanding for you.
Best Regards,
Nicole