From A “SEX OFFENDER’S” Point of View

Be honest did you watch the R. Kelly video? If so you too could have been arrested and charged with a sexual crime.

Feel free to ask any questions that you would like to ask of me…

I will start by telling you a story that is set in 1998.  I was a young immature 18 year old boy who had no clue at all of the real world.  I was extremely insecure but the worst part about that was you couldn’t tell me that at the time.  I had been dealing with insecurity from my extreme lack of popularity in high school, coupled with being heavy set for most of my high school years.  These were the surface issues that I was dealing with at the time.  These were the issues that I could have wrapped my mind around at the time.  BUT what I wasn’t ready to deal with was what the pain of being molested had caused me.

So I was 18 and she was 15 when we met.  I won’t make excuses saying that she lied to me about her age because even though she did, I can’t honestly say that would have made any difference for me at that time.  Even though I didn’t have the slightest clue that laws existed surrounding this type of thing, I cannot honestly say that I wouldn’t have broken that law anyway.  I hope that by now me and you can speak candidly.  In my neighborhood this was sooooo common place that I never thought that there was anything wrong with it.  I would see guys in their 30’s talking to girls that were in my freshman class.  Guys that played for the Bucks at the time would make regular rounds at the most popular high schools to show off their cars and pick up some of the prettiest girls there.  Emulation is almost impossible to avoid when you have no other contrast to compare.  So I was 18 and she was 15 when we met, this was about 2 years after the song “Age ain’t Nothing but a Number” came out with Aaliyah.  She was confirming for the world her relationship with R. Kelly.  Now this would have been the perfect time to have a conversation with me about how wrong this was.  No conversation of the sort ever came.  What I have found over the years with most situations is that if they are not getting progressively better than they are probably getting progressively worse.  Hence we fast forward years later and the R. Kelly DVD is in almost every household in the inner city.

So long story short I was 18 she was 15 when I started sexually assaulting her.  Me being the 32 year old man I am now, I have known for years now the wrong that I was doing.  BUT it took for me to go through the system, get some understanding from some people who could help me to rationalize some of the distorted thoughts that I was having at 18.  I still have to deal with that wrong decision even to this day.

Yesterday I was called a sex offender by a young lady who was attempting to hurt my feelings.  I have been done with my initial sentence for almost 2 years now but I will have to deal with the after affects probably for the rest of my life.  Some decisions are that long lasting.  I am not ashamed of who I am or what I have done!  I did wrong and I will live with that and I am fine with whatever label I have to wear because of that.

Even though the young lady calling me a “sex offender” didn’t hurt my feelings at all it is still one of the few things that I have to deal with present day.  I have to register on the sex offender registry for Wisconsin amongst some of the worst sexual offenders ever.  There is no classification between me as a sex offender and the man that would stalk a woman down in an alley and rape her.  This is a result of a decision that I made. I classified myself this way.  I cannot coach my son’s basketball team, or implement a program to help inspire the kids at my daughter’s school.  These are results of my own decisions.  My kids are at the age where they are going to be having company come over for sleep overs, and parents may CCAP me (which I have no gripe about, because me knowing what I know, I do it to others myself).  I am not saying this at all to say woe is me.  I am accountable for my actions and please don’t take this as me crying about the consequences.  I am just trying to make sure that if you are a parent reading this, or a 16 year old boy/girl , that you don’t take this lightly!  Use this as a platform to talk to you son’s or daughter’s about the importance of making good decisions.

I do want people to know that “sex offenders” are human beings too.  AND some of us have just made poor decisions growing up.  BUT if I can help another young male avoid the route that I was destined to take, it would be worth my journey.  I can say for sure my two son’s will be fully informed about the laws surrounding this subject and many more.

Thank you to the people who still see me as a real person and took the time to get to know me for me!

20 comments

  1. WOW bro I really appreciate hearing that from you. You are a smart talented young man and I noticed that when I first met you. You take direction well and you’re also a strong leader amongst your age group! Please continue to grow for the sake of watering your seeds. Help them to be better than you or me. YOU make them great…

  2. Bro real talk I have a new found respect for you. It takes a true man to come out and tell this story. We’ve talked in the past and you’ve told me about some things in your past that you went through but this was something that has never crossed my mind about you, truely this was at the very bottom of the list of things we would’ve probably talked about. It’s positive things like this that you do bro that make me look up to you. We’re no where near family but your like the big bro I wish I could’ve had growing up. Contiue to educate the world through ya hardships, and continue to be the man you are to your family.

  3. Oh Tryson believe ME, I’ve been on the verge of all out brawling about this situation myself. (Literally) Lol! We’re going to attempt to use the correct avenues to have this addressed though when we’re afforded the appropriate platform. I’m not as concerned with the title as much as I am with the judgment that’s passed because there is no classification process. I’ve gotten the, “You’re married to a sex offender” look or comment often. I believe that if you’re willing to classify how much dope a man had in his pocket by calling him an “A,B,C,D Felon” then you shouldn’t have an issue classifying how many years difference there was between the “offender” and the “victim” and whether or not it was consensual.

  4. That is one of those things that the people(government) doesn’t know how to label correctly. I would be joining you too as I too had a relationship with a girl under 18 when I was a Senior in high school. I got blown away by this post. Way to man up. Anyone that knows you to any degree will realize your not an ACTUAL offender, just a victim of the system to a degree. None of us were as I wise as we are now. Except maybe that lady in Nicole’s last post. She might have somehow been wiser as a kid. Haha.

    Here is something to think about! What if you were 16 when you started to have relations with a 15 year old. 2 years apart. Not a big deal in accordance with the law (as far as I know), but if you can continue that growing relationship another year or two, now you’ve committed a crime. Thats not right. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think kids should be having sex, but its going to happen. Thats the age it happens generally.Your awesome Andre, if it comes up in the future, you tell this story just the way you did and people will understand.

  5. your a better man than me because i would be still fighting this one. i wouldn’t let it go. i wouldn’t let anyone call me a sex offender without starting an all out brawl. I just don’t think the punishment fits the crime.

  6. It takes a strong will to let this load off your shoulders, past or present, and an even stronger one to transform those experiences and bad decisions into coaching life lessons for your kids to learn. Pop culture does a great job at distorting the already blurry line in between adult/child-appropriate propaganda, but the residual affects are more devastating than low record sales.

    HUGE props for writing this one!

  7. Thats is exactly why I did this Stacey! It was a way for me to use my experiences to help teach someone else how to avoid the same mistake. I feel like if one person can avoid the consequences that I had to, have to endure then it was worth it!
    The battle is not yours, it’s the Lord’s!

  8. I appreciate you stopping by to show some support Ty! Good brothers like you help remind me that I am NOT alone! Keep doing your good deeds bro. You have my support in anything positive that you do.
    LOVE

  9. Thank you for your words of encouragement Laci! Like you said we haven’t known each other long so for you to help support the site and the cause means that I must have made a good impression on you. Have the conversations with your kids that parents aren’t having today. That will ensure that they get the knowledge they need to avoid traps and pitfalls set before them
    Thank you!

  10. Thank you baby. Like I said before when I fall off the stage into the crowd, if no one else will catch me, I know for sure you will be there to hold me up!
    I love you! 😉

  11. This is something that we all need to do better with. I think in a lot of households today this is not talked about and it needs to be. It’s a great thing of you sharing your experiences and i am praying this can touch a lot of people to just please take the time and have one on one disscussions with their children.

  12. I appreciate the sheer honesty and strength of your will in letting people know about how a person feels when they are unfairly judged by a blanket label given to people who are in your very situation. It’s even worse when guys or some women, are doing the same things even now and still judge another who may have gotten penalized for their actions. I think the laws are unfair and unjust to label a predator/molested in the same category as someone who made an honest lapse in judgement that they couldn’t control due to the lies of the other party!!! I think what you did here was brutally honest and folks can learn a lot from it!

  13. It is so many young adults males and females out in the world that doesn’t really know anything about the REAL WORLD. I say males and females because chick do the same thing but people don’t really talk about it how they talk about male “sex offenders”. I just really feel that there should be different categories for “sex offender” just because in your case you didn’t stalk the chick n just went out and raped her. unlike some people that are TRUE SEX OFFENDERS!!!! I have always felt like that. And just for me being a mother to a son and even if i had a daughter I am going out of my way to make sure that we have this talk just like a SEX talk. I am so sorry that this has happen to but for the little time that I have known you I would have never guess that. And also you are a changed and better person. And you are also a TRUE FATHER AND MAN because who do you know that would put they business out like that if they weren’t trying to make a positive point.

  14. It is imperative that we start to talk about these things and not just attempt to brush them under the rug out of embarassment or fear of vulnerability. When I was 15 the young man I was dating was 18 and it was the same situation with most of my friends. The only difference is we didn’t have parents that called the police. We have to get the dialogue going beause clearly even with the laws being out there and people being more aware, our young men are not making the right decisions. (Hence the recent case at Homestead High School) I know that a lot of people will take the title “sex offender” and make their own judgments and assumptions about both my husband and myself, but if we’re all realistic about it, we know this happens more often than people like to admit. Again Andre, I’m proud of you and I thank you for sharing. I hope this gets some dialogue going between parents and teenagers. Love you to pieces.

  15. It is the support of people like you that help me keep going when I may feel discouraged! I just feel like if I do not help someone learn from my mistakes then I am not doing God’s true will! His will is that I learn from my mistakes myself and teach someone else to avoid some of the same pit falls.
    Your support blesses me, thank you so much!

  16. Anyone who would take this the wrong way is someone that you need not worry about. Life is life, decisions that are made have consequences. If u learn from them then you have acomplished something most people aren’t capable of. Keep giving your voice to those who want to listen, but also hear you.

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