From A “SEX OFFENDER’S” Point of View

Be honest did you watch the R. Kelly video? If so you too could have been arrested and charged with a sexual crime.

Feel free to ask any questions that you would like to ask of me…

I will start by telling you a story that is set in 1998.  I was a young immature 18 year old boy who had no clue at all of the real world.  I was extremely insecure but the worst part about that was you couldn’t tell me that at the time.  I had been dealing with insecurity from my extreme lack of popularity in high school, coupled with being heavy set for most of my high school years.  These were the surface issues that I was dealing with at the time.  These were the issues that I could have wrapped my mind around at the time.  BUT what I wasn’t ready to deal with was what the pain of being molested had caused me.

So I was 18 and she was 15 when we met.  I won’t make excuses saying that she lied to me about her age because even though she did, I can’t honestly say that would have made any difference for me at that time.  Even though I didn’t have the slightest clue that laws existed surrounding this type of thing, I cannot honestly say that I wouldn’t have broken that law anyway.  I hope that by now me and you can speak candidly.  In my neighborhood this was sooooo common place that I never thought that there was anything wrong with it.  I would see guys in their 30’s talking to girls that were in my freshman class.  Guys that played for the Bucks at the time would make regular rounds at the most popular high schools to show off their cars and pick up some of the prettiest girls there.  Emulation is almost impossible to avoid when you have no other contrast to compare.  So I was 18 and she was 15 when we met, this was about 2 years after the song “Age ain’t Nothing but a Number” came out with Aaliyah.  She was confirming for the world her relationship with R. Kelly.  Now this would have been the perfect time to have a conversation with me about how wrong this was.  No conversation of the sort ever came.  What I have found over the years with most situations is that if they are not getting progressively better than they are probably getting progressively worse.  Hence we fast forward years later and the R. Kelly DVD is in almost every household in the inner city.

So long story short I was 18 she was 15 when I started sexually assaulting her.  Me being the 32 year old man I am now, I have known for years now the wrong that I was doing.  BUT it took for me to go through the system, get some understanding from some people who could help me to rationalize some of the distorted thoughts that I was having at 18.  I still have to deal with that wrong decision even to this day.

Yesterday I was called a sex offender by a young lady who was attempting to hurt my feelings.  I have been done with my initial sentence for almost 2 years now but I will have to deal with the after affects probably for the rest of my life.  Some decisions are that long lasting.  I am not ashamed of who I am or what I have done!  I did wrong and I will live with that and I am fine with whatever label I have to wear because of that.

Even though the young lady calling me a “sex offender” didn’t hurt my feelings at all it is still one of the few things that I have to deal with present day.  I have to register on the sex offender registry for Wisconsin amongst some of the worst sexual offenders ever.  There is no classification between me as a sex offender and the man that would stalk a woman down in an alley and rape her.  This is a result of a decision that I made. I classified myself this way.  I cannot coach my son’s basketball team, or implement a program to help inspire the kids at my daughter’s school.  These are results of my own decisions.  My kids are at the age where they are going to be having company come over for sleep overs, and parents may CCAP me (which I have no gripe about, because me knowing what I know, I do it to others myself).  I am not saying this at all to say woe is me.  I am accountable for my actions and please don’t take this as me crying about the consequences.  I am just trying to make sure that if you are a parent reading this, or a 16 year old boy/girl , that you don’t take this lightly!  Use this as a platform to talk to you son’s or daughter’s about the importance of making good decisions.

I do want people to know that “sex offenders” are human beings too.  AND some of us have just made poor decisions growing up.  BUT if I can help another young male avoid the route that I was destined to take, it would be worth my journey.  I can say for sure my two son’s will be fully informed about the laws surrounding this subject and many more.

Thank you to the people who still see me as a real person and took the time to get to know me for me!


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